whatareyouthinking

Tripp was always told that he should never talk to strangers.  One day, Tripp went for a walk and became lost and didn’t know how to get home.  He saw many people, many of which offered help, but Tripp would not allow himself to talk to strangers.  He never made it home.
 
Another neighborhood boy was also told by his parents to never talk to strangers.  However, after learning of Tripp’s fate, he said, “I will talk to strangers everywhere I go!  Look what happened to Tripp after following that silly advice!”  So he went out of his way to converse with strangers everywhere he went.  Eventually, one lead him away, and he too never made it home.

Tripp was so proud of the four pounds that he lost, the report was spread across town just moments after he stepped off of the scale.   One individual inquired as to what he had attributed his success.  “Diet Soda”, he replied.  “I know a lot of people don’t think it works, but it really does!  You just have to drink enough of it.” 
 
Tripp’s wife figured that it must had been the new bathroom scale.

In a medical journal, Tripp had read about the health benefits of regularly having a glass of wine with dinner.  That same night, Tripp consumed all of the wine that he could and landed himself in the emergency room with alcohol poisoning.  Once he recovered, he sued the medical journal.

A woman began to display some symptoms of mental illness, so her family urged her to see a psychiatrist. Upon her first visit, the therapist provided a diagnosis and prescribed her a pill to help alleviate some of her problems. They had a follow-up visit two weeks later and the doctor inquired about the effectiveness of the medication. She said, “This pill hasn’t done anything for me at all. Fortunately, people at my job and family have been much nicer to me lately so I won’t be needing it anymore.”

A boy said to his friend, “My father told me to always use this instruction book that he gave me for all of life’s decisions. He gradually put the book together as my older brother and sister were growing up. All the advice he gave them throughout the years was written in this book and has been passed on to me. I am to consider the entire book prior to making any major moves. He told me that if I want to be successful like my brother and sister, I must never deviate from the book.”

His friend replied, “That’s really interesting, but what did your brother and sister do before the book was completed?”

The planning board got together to discuss whether or not more handicapped parking spaces should be reserved for the courthouse patrons.  The members were divided.  Half of them insisted that there was a potential for more handicapped persons to be at the court house than there were parking spots to accomodate them.  The other half thought that to be such a rare occurrence and that it not be prudent to make most of the best parking spots unavailable to the general public.  Then one member of the board spoke up and said, “I believe that we should go out of our way to assist those less fortunate then ourselves.  In fact, I propose that we make even more parking places reserved solely for the physically challenged.  But instead of reserving the front spaces for them, we should move them all to the back of the parking lot…”

(We are all humanitarians when it is convenient)

There was a book laying in the middle of a fork in the road and many people passed it by. Some stopped to ponder what it might be and continued on their journey; either to the right or to the left. One paged through the book and said, “This is a book of rules. I will isolate certain portions and quote them as laws. I will attempt to follow some of them and demand that others heed to most of them.” Another leafed through the book and said, “This book is full of divine promises and motivational quotes. I will segment a few of the passages and recite them whenever my friends and I are feeling down. I may even print or engrave them on everyday objects and sell them at a profit!” Yet another saw the same book and said, “This is a book full of magic spells! I will select a few of the sayings, and if I repeat them aloud enough times; I shall be healthy, wealthy and wise.” An educated man happened upon the book and said, “They are all fools!” So he argued about the contents and authorship of the book with his colleagues for many decades. Finally, there was one who approached the book with awe and wonder. He stopped to read the book and marveled at the path it took him.

One evening, a man purchased a TV set from an electronics store. Less than 5 minutes after removing it from the box, the television ceased to function. Immediately, he called the shop’s help desk to alert them of the problem and determine whether or not there was still enough time left to exchange the set that same night.

He began to explain his situation to the representative, “…I had set the TV on the stand, plugged it in, and seconds after I pressed the power button, the picture disappeared and smoke poured out from the cabinet.

The representative responded with, “Have you tried changing the channel?”

A carpenter was constructing a deck when the homeowner pointed out that he cut one of the boards too short.

The carpenter replied with, “No sir, I shortened the length of that board on purpose. That was to make room for the steel reinforcement pole that needs to be put there in order to secure the deck in the event of high winds.

“Why would you only put a steel reinforcement pole only on the left side of the deck?” the homeowner asked.

“Oh, I actually planned to put one on both sides of the deck-but I couldn’t put one on the right side because a large rock in the ground prevented me from digging to secure the pole,” said the carpenter.

“That’s interesting, because you also built my neighbor’s deck-and I didn’t notice any steel reinforcement poles on either side of his structure,” said the homeowner.

“Well, I didn’t care for your neighbor that much because he was always haggling with me, so I didn’t go out of my way to do anything extra for him,” said the carpenter.

“That neighbor you spoke of is my best friend,” said the homeowner.

Finally the carpenter replied, “Thanks for pointing out to me that I cut that board too short.”

Many students only knew the principal by how the teachers spoke of him. Some teachers said that he was a scary man-anxiously awaiting the opportunity to punish the bad children. Other teachers painted a more favorable picture of the principal, stating that he really cared for the kids and had their best interests at heart. Some of the pupils chose to agree with one teacher over another, some even argued and fought about it amongst themselves. Nevertheless, the students only knew the principal by how the teachers spoke of him.