A Woman and Her Television

Posted in Parables on December 23rd, 2003

One time during the 1950’s a man picked a rural area and went door-to-door selling televisions. One resident didn’t understand TV, but the man still managed to sell it by convincing her it was the best piece of furniture anyone could own. Many of her neighbors criticized her purchase because they didn’t understand TV either. Some neighbors knew about television but still criticized her because they didn’t agree with the programming. Nevertheless, this resident stood by her decision and became very defensive of her television set. She went on to tell her children, grandchildren, and other members of the community that they should all own television sets—even though she never used hers!

One day a guest came to her home and, noticing the television, asked her why she didn’t use it as a television. She went on to tell her guest how she believed it was the best piece of furniture that anyone could own. But before she could say anything more, the guest turned on the TV and turned it to a clear channel. The guest watched as the woman was amazed at the bright light and rich sound emanating from the set. Then he proceeded to explain to her many amazing things regarding the television. But the woman got up, turned off the TV and said, “Well, if that’s the way you want to use your television that’s fine. But as for me, I’ll just keep things as they are.”

Tripp’s Travels

Posted in Tripp's Trips on December 23rd, 2003

Every year Tripp traveled north to visit his family for the holidays, and each year that he visited-his family had gifts waiting for him.  Now Tripp didn’t visit his family for the gifts, Tripp visited out of his love for them and desired to spend time with them.  But one year, Tripp was having a difficult time financially and he said to himself, “I will go north to visit my family and they will have gifts waiting for me.  Then I will sell them and get myself out of debt.”

But that year when Tripp traveled north to see his family, no one had anything of value for him.

The Salting A Bird Tale

Posted in Fractured Fairy Tales on December 23rd, 2003

Two boys were playing in a field.  One of them spotted a bird on the ground and tried to catch it so he could take it home with him.  The other boy told him that the way he was going about [catching the bird] was all wrong.  He said, “I know an easy way!  A friend of mine told me that he catches birds all of the time by just sprinkling a little salt on their tails.  Once they get salt on their tails, they can’t fly anymore.  Then it is easy to catch them!”

Have you ever seen your friend catch them that way?” inquired the bird-chasing boy.

“Well, I’ve seen all of the birds that he has at home,” replied his friend.

So the boy went home, grabbed the saltshaker from the kitchen table, and enthusiastically set out to pursue the birds.  As he was running back outside, he was thinking of al the different ways he would try to get salt on their tails.  But every time he got near a bird it would just fly away.

Still, the boy continued chasing after birds with his saltshaker in hand.  Each time he hoped to get just enough salt on the tail of a bird to at least slow it down.  Each time seemed a little closer than the last, but he still couldn’t salt a tail to save his life!  He never would catch a bird.

Nevertheless, the boy chased after those birds his entire life because he believed what his friend said.  

Mr. Smith’s House

Posted in Parables on December 7th, 2003

Several individuals were gathered around a house, pointing and arguing about whether or not Mr. Smith lived there. Some drew attention to the various decorations on the home and in the yard that were notably Mr. Smith’s. Some pointed to the mailbox and said, “See, it says ‘Smith’ on the mailbox in plain English, so it must be Mr. Smith’s house. Others appealed to various sources; neighbors, local lore, legal documents, and the like in an attempt to defend the fact that Mr. Smith indeed owned the house. But each attempt to prove Mr. Smith’s occupancy was thwarted by yet another attempt to discredit it. Generations of lectures, articles, and books were made available to all who wished to believe [or not believe] Mr. Smith’s home ownership status. But only a few knocked on the door to inquire.

The New Mayor

Posted in Parables on October 13th, 2003

A small town elected a new mayor. The townspeople reported, “A 400 pound black man has become our new mayor!” One individual disturbed by such distinctions asked, “Why must we make divisions amongst ourselves by labeling people? Now, why couldn’t we just simply say, ‘A 400 pound man has become our new mayor?’”

“Should Christians Own Dogs?”

Posted in Sermons You Won't Hear Elsewhere on August 6th, 2003

One of the toughest jobs of being the leader of this flock is—it breaks my heart to have to point out people’s sins—but it’s also my job.  I Timothy 4:13 tells me that I am to “…give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.”  I’ll be doing all of these things today.  That’s the Word of God—amen?

When I first came to this ministry, I was approached by a member of this congregation who had a problem with one of her neighbors.  She went on to explain how she lived two houses down from a family that kept their dog outside all night.  Apparently this dog barked at anything that moved and kept waking this woman all night long.  Now this neighbor of hers was supposed to be a Christian, so she asked me if Christians should even have dogs as pets.  Now I didn’t give her my opinion—oh, no, no, no!  I told her what the Bible says about dogs—amen?

Let’s turn to Deuteronomy 23:18, shall we?  “Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the Lord thy God…for even both these are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”  Right here in black and white, we are being told that dogs are an abomination unto the Lord!  And as we plainly see in this passage, dogs are on an equal footing with prostitutes!  Would you have a prostitute in your house?  Should Christians have dogs as pets?  Probably many of you are wondering why I am making such a big deal of this and why you came here this morning to hear something that might not be sitting well with you right now.  But I want you to live a life that God can bless, and if you are living in a way that is contrary to what the Bible says, you are not living a life that God can bless—amen?

Now some of you might be wondering why it is okay for pagans and non-believers to play with dogs but not okay for Christians.  The Bible tells us why in Exodus 11:7 (please turn with us), “But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the Lord doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.”  That’s it right there!  We are not to live the way the world lives—there needs to be a difference!  Let the Egyptians have their dogs!  Let the world have its pet dogs!  But the Lord puts a difference between us and the world, and one of those differences (as we see in this passage) is whether or not we are going to let dogs approach us to lick our faces!  Should Christians own dogs?  Go a little further in your texts to Exodus 22:31 and we shall see how dogs were thought of back in Moses’ time—“And ye shall be holy men unto Me: neither shall ye eat any flesh that is torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.”  Whatever was unholy was thrown to dogs!  If dogs were acceptable and holy, the Israelites would not have been commanded to cast unholy things to them—amen?  Give not that which is holy unto the dogs—amen?

In Proverbs, King Solomon tells us, “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.”  That’s Proverbs 26:11 if you want to look that up in your Bibles.  Now we’ve already learned why, as Christians, we need to reconsider what we think we know about the appropriateness of dog ownership.  We’ve learned that we need to keep ourselves separated, unique, and holy.  We’ve read earlier that was the explanation that Moses provided the Israelites.  In Proverbs, King Solomon gives us more insight into why the character of dogs and why as Christians we shouldn’t be living like them—or with them for that matter.  Now I’m not telling you to go loose your dog as soon as you get home from church.  This is something that you need to pray about, look over the scriptures that I gave you and then make your decision.  Amen?

Meanwhile, be careful how much run of the house you give to your dogs or other pets.  Have you ever been to someone’s house where the family dog basically controls everything—instead of the biblically mandated head of the house?  Have you ever been invited to someone’s home for a dinner where you can’t even enjoy your meal because the family dog is there—begging at the table?  I have. Yes, I have!  Now, a Christian home should be a holy home because we are to be holy as He is holy.  And we are commanded in Matthew to give not that which is holy unto the dogs.  Dogs should not be running our Christian homes—amen?

Our Savior also tells us in Matthew 15:26, “…It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs.”  Are we feeding our children before we are feeding our dogs?  How many of you know needy families that have pets?  Sadly, probably most of you here.  But what does the Bible say?  Is Matthew 15:26 in your Bibles too—or just mine?

Finally, turn with me if you would to Philippians—chapter three, and we will be closing our message today with verses two and three.  “Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.”  Let’s stop there for a moment…notice that dogs get lumped together with evil workers, and concision.  Earlier it was dogs, prostitutes, abomination.  In Proverbs; dogs, vomit, folly.  Is anyone noticing a pattern here or is it just me?  Can anyone find me one example in the Bible where a dog is spoken well of?  Can someone find me one example in the Bible where a God-fearing man has a dog as a pet?  Let us continue, shall we?  “…for we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.”

Let us make a commitment today to rid our lives and our homes of anything that is unholy to God.  We will take no confidence in the flesh, but hold fast to the truth of the Written Word—amen?

Let us pray…

***

DISCLAIMER: The preceding ‘sermon’ is satire and is not intended to be taken seriously. This was written for the purposes of demonstrating how easy it is to misinterpret scripture when used in a certain way. To the best of my knowledge, the views stated above to not reflect the views of any person living or dead, real or imagined.

***

The Recipe

Posted in Parables on July 23rd, 2003

There was once a recipe found that was believed to have been written by the master chef. It was said to contain the ingredients for the greatest meal ever made. Should one experience this recipe in its fullness, the dish would be palatable, nutritious, and satisfy hunger forever. Since this recipe was written in various places and took many years to complete, some of its ingredients were difficult to gather without being aware of the environments whence they came. Since few persons understood what the recipe was really about, many of them isolated individual ingredients, added some ideas and shared it with others as if it were part of the recipe. Still others had their own idea of what the final meal should taste like, so they presented the recipe in such a way that made it seem as though the original ingredients actually supported their own ideal meal. Amidst the confusion, there were some learned in nutrition that provided a better understanding of many of the ingredients, although they didn’t believe the meal to be a reality. Thousands of restaurant chains were set up across the world. Each claimed they followed the recipe the closest, had a better understanding of the recipe than the other restaurants, or understood the master chef’s true intentions. As a result, many strange meals were served across the world based on each restaurant’s application of the ingredients. There were restaurants that produced a fairly good meal and benefited many. However, there were more restaurants that served dishes not beneficial for their customers; many became ill, went mad, and some even died from the bad food. Now few people believe the recipe had any significance at all.

Thy God Has Won!

Posted in Lyrics, Poetry at Rest on March 24th, 2003

[VERSE I]
Be not a slave to freedom
Just do what you need to do
Seek not only for pleasure or
Pleasure may never find you

Take some peace of advice
That surpasses all human kind
Better the quest for wholeness
Than be left with piece of mind

[REFRAIN]
Others sowing our brains scatter
Daniel watching our dreams shatter
Or fall from grace down Jacob’s ladder
To wrestle with awe – does this all matter
    now-
We found nothing new under the sun
    long strange trip-
    talking asses-
It wasn’t always fun
Still through it all thy God is one
Still in awe – thy God has won

[VERSE II]
Be not slave to your passion
And play not the role of the lie
Eat of the bread and whine
For a peace of humble pie

Let go the trick of the ego
And starve your actor within
Be one with God as won in awe
And rise above all your sin

[REFRAIN]

[BRIDGE]
How long must we wait on a prophecy?
Why does it take so much time – why try?
What do we seek – what is truth?
When the inner and outer see eye to eye-
Where you can get to know you…
       and I will get to know me-
       and I will get to know you-
       and you will get to know me-
       and you will get to know you-
       and I will get to know me-
       and I will get to know you-
       and you will get to know me-
       and you will get to know you!

[REFRAIN]

 

(c) 2003, J. “Xakk” Marshall [March 24, 2003 @ 10:45 PM]

Mental Reign

Posted in Lyrics, Poetry at Rest on September 11th, 2002

Subtle mind control sell-by-sell
One-by-one twice the child of Hell
Procrustean-bred leaders impel
Psyches out of mind and under spell

Like invisible strings and other things
That make you dance while your master sings
A song for sordid gain-
Pulling on your brain-
And cause and cure and claim to feel your pain
Bad shepherds! Evil kings! Mental Reign!

Not all mind control, easy cell
Weekend mind game of show and tell
Manipulate, indoctrinate, compel
Down for the count of the wishing well

Like invisible strings and other things
That make you dance while your master sings
A song for sordid gain-
Pulling on your brain-
To cause and cure and claim to feel your pain
Bad shepherds! Evil kings! Mental Reign!

Twenty-two over seven
Descending from Heaven
A pie-in-the-sky down on earth
Easy-dream welfare
Cults turn to nightmare 
Bankrupting members’ self-worth

Like invisible strings and other things
That make you dance while your master sings
A song for sordid gain-
Pulling on your brain-
To cause and cure and claim to feel your pain
Bad shepherds! Evil kings! Mental Reign!

Members, the day his kingdom fell
Minding controls, bid his farewell…

 

©2002, J. “Xakk” Marshall [September 11, 2002 @ 5:00 AM]

Slave Driver

Posted in Lyrics, Poetry at Rest on September 4th, 2002

Sold himself to the digital kingdom
Attention deficit to be paid in full
Trapped within a bondage of plastic
For the interest of his imperial rule

He’s a Slave Driver
    a driver that’s enslaved…

Enslaved to the system everywhere he goes
Everywhere he turns somebody knows
Every time he thinks somewhere it shows
Everything he does somehow
    the information flows…

He sold out to the material world
So all things that surround him, matter
Just a pawn, or a puppet ruled by its wire
Digital footprints walk on him like the latter

He’s a Slave Driver
     a driver that’s enslaved…

Enslaved to the system everywhere he goes
Everywhere he turns somebody knows
Every time he thinks somewhere it shows
Everything he does somehow
    the information flows…

He sold his soul for one he could program
Exchanged his skin for a travel I.D.
He did what he’d hate, if it weren’t his choice
Too blind to realize he’ll never be free

He’s a Slave Driver
     a driver that’s enslaved…

Enslaved to the system everywhere he goes
Everywhere he turns somebody knows
Every time he thinks somewhere it shows
Everything he does somehow
    the information flows…

He’s a Slave Driver…

© 2002, J. “Xakk” Marshall